So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
