i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think my moral compass just broke
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
