the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
