Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
