Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
