i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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