you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
