Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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