I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
