I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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