No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
