My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just want nice things and good sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
