A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
