Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
