mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
