I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
