Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
