I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
