you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
