I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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