Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
