Who wears a wallet chain?!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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