That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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