Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
