I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
50% drunk capacity currently
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
