I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
