dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
