dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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