I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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