I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize