mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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