end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
