Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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