I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
