Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
