Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
only you would photoshop your dick
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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