Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
