I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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