You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
