That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
