If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
