where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just high enough for therapy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
pray to the hookup gods
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
