when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
