Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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