Cold hands, warm shart.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
