it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
