i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
