Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
