i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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