honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
