I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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