if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
