I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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