it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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