Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
