Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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