At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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