I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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