woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
