You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
