he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
