Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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