No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize