Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
