Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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