I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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