She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
