I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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