i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
