True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me