Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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