No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
