I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?