IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs