Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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