Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
