I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
