chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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