Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize