i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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