We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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