The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
