I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
